


You and I, and the Moonlight

by GrapeJellyfish



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon verse, Fluff, M/M, Smut, sads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-31
Updated: 2014-03-31
Packaged: 2018-01-17 17:38:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1396645
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrapeJellyfish/pseuds/GrapeJellyfish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If it was just a whisper, it would have been fine. But the way his name sounded on those lips, and the way Jean was was just standing there staring at him, and only him…</p>
            </blockquote>





	You and I, and the Moonlight

**Author's Note:**

> Supposed to be a sequel to [this series of drabbles](http://jellyfishsempai.tumblr.com/post/74111346099/jellyphish-sempai-kimmylikestodraw) that I wrote a long time ago for [Kimmy](http://bimmykimmy.tumblr.com)  
> but it can be read on it's own if you don't want to read the follow up...

They moved quickly, feet stumbling hastily over one another as the thick wooden door was pushed open. An empty room, swathed in darkness greeted them with the all too familiar scent of exhausted teens and freshly washed linen. It wasn’t an off putting smell, but Marco had his reservations about the cleanliness of more than a few of their fellow trainee’s bunks.  
Grabbing a hold of Marco’s wrist, Jean gave the boy a gentle tug, yanking him from his previous train of thought and to the other teen, now staring pointedly at him, amber eyes glistening with something in between lust and insecurity.

_‘are you really sure you want to do this?’_

It was a question that didn’t need to be spoken, Marco could see it in Jean’s eyes as they focused in on each other. This wasn’t merely about consent, he knew that as soon as they crossed this line their days as ‘just friends’ were potentially over. As much as Marco dreaded traversing the wide waters of whatever it was that could be behind their actions at this given moment, more of him so desperately wanted his lips on Jeans, and in the end, that longing won out. 

Giving Jean’s hand a little squeeze, Marco swallowed his own worry and gave him a slight nod.  
Jean’s expression flitted to one of… was it relief? Marco wasn’t sure, and at that moment, he couldn’t be bothered to press much on the matter as he found himself being pulled enthusiastically into the room, the wooden door closing with a soft bump, sliding back into it’s well worn frame.

Darkness fell around them as the two wound through the room, careful to avoid stepping on the hastily removed manoeuvre gear of their companions that had been peeled away long before dinner began. It was well known throughout the military, just how constricting that gear could be. No doubt, because of various aches and scars, the trainees had restlessly unstrapped them from their worn bodies within the instant of being let go for the night. Marco couldn’t argue, he would have done the same, had he not been out shovelling with a certain someone so late after training. 

Letting out a muffled grunt of annoyance, the sandy haired teen now leading the pair stumbled on a tangle of straps. Marco did his best to restrain the laughter tugging at his chest and Jean’s hand released his in favour of freeing his now entangled leg in the mess around his ankles. 

“You need help?” Marco bubbled, he was probably ruining the mood, but this was too funny.

“Shut up Marco.” Jean snapped irritably, shaking his foot vigorously. This was getting them nowhere.

With a resigned sigh, Marco dropped to his knees, hands grabbing at the worn leather as he stooped to unwind his friend. The gloom made it hard for him to focus on the straps as Marco worked, one under, one over, and did he already do that or was he doing it backwards. Letting out a little huff of his own, he reached up, running a hand through his hair and pushing it off of his forehead as he thought. ‘ _How the heck did he do that anyways?’_

“Leave it to you to get yoursel- Jean?” Marco had looked up as he spoke, eyes meeting the other’s casually as he took in his best friend. Jean was staring, his fixed gaze now glaringly obvious, given the proximity of their bodies. His face was illuminated by the pale light of the room, making his skin look almost pearl white against the soft blue hues of the silenced room. It wasn’t just that though, that caused Marco’s words to fall on his lips, mouth still open in a silent gape. Jean was looking at him. But not just in the way he had done nearly every day over their last three years together, not in that cocky, self indulgent shit eating smirk, or that weird (but still cute) whiny pout, or any of the ways Marco had seen him before. No, whatever it was about this look, it was sending tingles up and down Marco’s arms and he didn’t know why. 

It may have been the moonlight, it may have been that still, almost dead weight, the air had taken on. Maybe it was the way that the light made the amber of Jean’s eyes glow, like the dying embers on a warm bed of coal, or the slight way his hair fell, messy, across his forehead, sweeping down and tracing the angles of his sharp face, shadows, falling across hollowed cheek bones on a face so familiar, yet somehow still breathtakingly alluring. His cheeks were dusted with a light blush, still tinted from the chill of winter, their glow stood in stark contrast, falling in place with the dusty light shrouding the pair in it’s nocturnal embrace. Whatever it was, it was making Marco’s breath stutter, and his heart pang, and all of those things that happened when he usually looked at Jean were happening right now, but in full force! And he didn’t know if that was a good thing or not. But the rushing in his ears, and the pounding in his head was telling him otherwise. That is, until Jean said his name. 

He almost didn’t hear it, his voice was so quiet, low, humming in tune with that melody only the sleepless know. “Marco.”  
If it was just a whisper, it would have been fine. But the way his name sounded on those lips, and the way Jean was was just standing there staring at him, and only him… 

Everything seemed to fall away. That stillness, that musky scent of exhausted teenagers, the eerie sea of blue surrounding them both. It wasn’t there anymore. Not even those god damned 3DMG straps stubbornly wound around Jean’s ankles. Nothing existed. And as poetic, and lovesick as it sounded, Marco would swear that the entire world stopped breathing for that one moment.  
It was then that he knew, beyond any shred of doubt in his entire being, that, yeah, he was in love with Jean Kirschtein. And not in that stupid hormonal teenager love every one of their classmates had been struck by at least one time over the course of their three years training togeather. Or that stupid puppy dog love he saw Armin exhibit on more than one occasion when dealing with none other then his best friend Eren. No, this was something different. Marco knew that it didn’t matter now, nor did it, probably ever, what Jean did, because he was so far gone it was impossible to undo. This boy, with the amber eyes and sandy hair, had stolen his heart and he had no intention of ever stealing it back. As far as Marco was concerned, that point was moot. Jean could have every ounce of him until the day that he died and that would be perfect. 

“Jean, I-“ 

There were lips against his, as Marco felt himself jostled, struggling to right himself with the weight of another added onto his already precariously balanced position. His arm caught them, shooting backwards and thankfully bracing the impact. Marco found himself in a weird sort of back bend, hand planted firmly behind himself as he steadied the weight of both him and Jean, now pressed firmly against his own body. 

Jean was kissing him again, and it was deep, and it was sensual, and it was everything Marco had ever wanted. Feeling his lips move almost automatically in response to the other boys, Marco pressed back, closing any and all space between them. Slotting their mouths together, Marco felt Jean’s tongue tease at his closed lips. Parting them slightly, the other boy gratefully took over, his hands sliding down Marco’s chest as he pulled back slightly, letting out a small moan that made Marco’s stomach roll. He wanted to hear more of that. Their mouths separated with a slight ‘pop’, strings of saliva still joining them together as Jean moved back, just enough so that their noses were barely touching.

He could feel Jean’s breath, hot on his wet lips, he was staring, but not really seeing the way Jean’s eyes slowly traced over his own body, almost hungrily, taking in the right of his friend beneath him. Not that it really mattered anymore, to marco, everything was just… _Jean._

Eyes flickering briefly to Marco’s, Jean quickly moved forward again, lips tracing his jawline, leaving a hot trail of saliva where they touched. Marco let his other hand drop the the floor, carefully lowering them both as Jean’s mouth slid down his neck, pulling light gasps from his partner as he went. 

Repositioning himself carefully, Marco slipped his knees out from under him once he reached the floor, placing them on either side of the boy, now hungrily nipping at his earlobe. ‘ _he moved fast’_

“Nh, Jean…” Marco found that he was already breathless when he spoke and he had to consciously remind himself not to let his voice break like a little girl when he tried to pull a word from throat, his voice, apparently, opting for more of a soft moaning sound then the words he had in mind.

“Mmm?” Jean’s voice vibrated against his skin as he hummed into Marco’s neck.

“Shouldn’t we- ah!” Jean’s hand had slipped from his side now, slowly tracing a line across Marco’s hip and down his thigh, circling inward as he sucked lightly on a spot near Marco’s jaw that made his vision blur. “M-move t-to.”  
“ssh” Jean nuzzled Marco’s neck, as he shifted slightly, steadying himself as he moved. He pulled back, only a fraction of an inch separating them, and leaned over Marco, pressing him almost roughly to his elbows, a muffled ‘oof’ escaping the brunette at the unexpected impact. “If we don’t do this now, I will probably punch you so shut the hell up Bodt.”

Marco tried not to laugh at that. Watching Jean’s momentary rage subside only slightly to a somewhat apologetic scowl. “Is this how you seduce all your lovers before getting them to sleep with you.” He couldn’t help it, Jean was making this way too easy, and that look on his face was priceless.

Jean blushed furiously at that and gave Marco’s chest a light smack, his face falling back into an ill conceived scowl. “Is _this_ how _you_?”

Marco chuckled lightly, tilting his head to the side and sighing, feeling his bangs fall messily across his own forehead. Silence descended upon the pair for a moment and Marco just stared. _God he was hot…_

“Wh-what?” 

Marco hummed thoughtfully, raising his brown eyes to the ceiling before lowering them again to meet Jean’s “You’re just really pretty.” 

The sandy haired teen’s scowl grew even wider and Marco had a hard time repressing another wave of giggles that threatened to wrack his body if he wasn’t careful. 

“What the hell Marco!?” Jean looked like a tomato now, his intoxicating eyes wide with something resembling grief… or was it horror?

Marco reached up at that, slinging an arm around Jean’s shoulders and leaning forward. Pull Jean towards himself as he moved, they met in the middle, faces mere inches apart. Nuzzling his nose gently with the other’s Marco let a small giggle slip, sighing again with a happy smile set on his lips. “I’m sorry… you look handsome.”

Jean averted his eyes and bit down on his lower lip, looking hilariously bashful. “That’s not really any better.” He grumbled.

“What do you want me to call you then? Hot?”

Jean’s blush grew deeper and he did everything in his power not to look Marco in the eye, knowing full well the brunette was wearing one of those smug grins only he had the pleasure of witnessing when they were alone. ‘ _I know your secret Marco Bodt, you’re not nearly as innocent as everyone else makes you out to be.’_ His amber eyes finally raised to set on the amused gleam of his- so called- best friend’s deep whiskey eyes, clouding his vision with warmth. ‘ _god dammit.’_

Another smile quirked on the brunette’s lips and he leaned forward, voice barely a whisper. “Kiss me you fool.” Marco chided dramatically, leaning forwards and trapping Jean’s lips with his own, resuming their previous pace, this time, perhaps a little more enthusiastically. 

Jean moaned into Marco’s mouth as Marco trailed his fingers up his stomach and to his chest, splaying his hand over his heart and feeling it beat dizzyingly against the palm of his hand. _That’s good. At least he wasn’t the only one._ He slowly began to work off the buckle that strapped at Jean’s chest, unfastening it with a resounding click and beginning to undo the buttons that ran down his shirt. 

Jean was doing the same now, moving almost impatiently as he unhooked Marco’s Manoeuvre Gear and worked both the jacket and straps off his shoulders and down to his elbows, abandoning them there to unfasten the buttons of his own dress shirt. 

Marco let out a quiet moan as he felt Jean’s fingers slide lithely against his skin, pulling open Marco’s clothes and exposing his skin to the cool air. 

Sliding his lips to Jean’s collar bone and trailing a wet line of saliva as he went, Marco began to move down, following the steadily opening line of buttons he had been working on. He felt Jean shiver against his mouth and Marco let his free hand glide to Jean’s side, working the fabric that had been so neatly tucked around his waist. He let his fingers slide up the other boy’s back, feeling the delightful tingle of skin on skin as his hands slowly traced their way across, following the curve of Jean’s spine. 

Jean shrugged off his own jacket and shirt as the last button came undone, hands quickly returning to dance across Marco’s skin and push him down fully onto the ground. 

Marco let out a stifled hiss as he gritted his teeth, arching his back from the hard surface. The wood was solid and cold, and if Marco had his way, they would have moved a long time ago. But Jean was impatient and Marco didn’t care enough to ask him to move now, of all times so he gritted his teeth and bared it. Marco shivered as his uncovered skin pressed against the floor, almost thankful for the layers of cloth still caught at his elbows, protecting his waist from the shock. Although, if anything, it also amplified the feeling of Jean’s own body now pressed, flush, against his, the sharp contrast of hot and cool igniting his senses. He felt his own body begin to grow warm, unsure as to wether it was the effect of the cool floor of Jean’s body between his legs.

Jean was over him in an instant, kissing whatever other thoughts right out of Marco’s mind. His lips driving him crazy as he felt Jean’s hand sneak under his waist and grab at his ass. Gasping into Jean’s mouth, Marco felt the other boy smile into their kiss, clearly proud of himself to elicit such a reaction. Marco stubbornly bit back another moan as Jean’s hand trailed back around after that, down his thigh and towards his -

Marco stuttered out a low moan this time, feeling the name roll of his tongue like a relieved sigh. “Jean-”  
“Mm-shh” Came the other boy’s response.

Marco bit his lip, arching his back as Jean pressed his palm down between his legs, stuttering another gasp from the other boy as his head hit the floor with a quiet ‘thunk’. “Ah.”

“Careful” Jean muttered, clearly not all that concerned, as he moved to unfasten Marco’s belt, undoing his pants in almost instantaneous succession as he pushed them down over his hips, lips still working vigorously at Marco’s own. 

Marco could only groan in response as he felt that already familiar pool of warmth building steadily in his abdomen. Jean’s hand flying back to resume it’s previous action.

Reaching down, Marco began to work at Jean’s own, clearly growing, erection, palming him through the material of his pants as his other hand worked at the buckles. 

Jean let out a sharp gasp and pressed down harder, grinding into Marco’s hand almost needy. “Fucking gear.” Marco heard him mutter the sound, muffled against his lips. The other boy, pulling away momentarily to shimmy his own way out of his pants. 

Marco just gulped, simply watching the other teen was becoming a painfully difficult task alarmingly fast, ‘ _this is actually happening… This is actually happening!’_ He had to remind himself, slowly licking his lips, unsure of if it was either nerves or arousal now turning his stomach inside out.

“God.” Jean breathed, eyes having fallen on Marco sometime during him spacing out. They were wide and pinning him in place.

Marco felt his whole body grow warm, he blinked, wide eyed. _‘was that a good or a bad “god”?’_ “uh..?” The brunette managed to stutter out, feeling his voice shake. ‘ _Was Jean going to take this back?’_

“No, just…” The sandy haired teen pressed a palm to his eyes and shook his head. “No, I mean…” his frown grew. Jean was never good with words, clearly, now was not an exception. “Shut the fuck up.”

It was Marco’s turn to scowl. “I didn’t say any-mmph“

Jean was never good with words, so he used his actions instead, swooping back down and planting another deep kiss on the freckled boy’s, already kiss stained, lips. “I- just- really- like you- okay?- so- shut up.” He grumbled in between short kisses placed on the older boy’s mouth.

Marco giggled at that and kissed him back fully, dragging Jean back down to the ground with him “okay.”  
It didn’t take much after that. Through stifled moans and quiet sighs, the night trudged it’s slow pace to daybreak, seconds ticking into minutes that seemed all to precious and fleeting. They had one hour. And one hour would never be enough. 

They moved quickly, every motion, every stuttered name-

_“A-aahh, Marco”_

_“Jean…”_

Like aches into a thirsty dream, saturating the air with pure, wanton, lust and fervour. It wasn’t enough, decades, lifetimes, wouldn’t be enough. And it seemed as if the urgency of their timing was somehow fleeting, ironic, even. They both felt it, the brief finality, that seemed to linger on every heated fingertip, every impassioned moan and keen held something more than just the fervent heat of sex and lust. It was a plea of two souls, trying desperately to cling to one another in a world, so broken, crippled, and mutilated, finding safety, a home, something solid, reliable, to hold onto, something worthy of the living, something worth dying for. 

Marco didn’t mean to say it. It sort of just slipped out in the heat of the moment. Jean was kissing him, and he was kissing Jean. But it was so much more then that… at least… it felt like it was. What did the word “love” even mean anyway? 

It was only after those four letters left his lips; beginning with an “I” and followed by a “you”, that he realised exactly what he had done. 

Love; affection, passion, devotion, endurance… a promise, even? Was he promising this boy something he couldn’t afford to keep? Is that what love was?

It was only after, that Marco barely managed to catch the words that Jean muttered into his skin. Soft, tender even, Jean’s grip, tightening around his waist as he slowly repeated what Marco had said. 

_“I love you.”_

* * *

 

_“God dammit Marco I love you”_

_Ash fell from the sky, like dreadful snow, dirty, blanketing the earth in a dull grey carpet of what once was, what could have been, a future worth living for._

_‘I guess that’s all gone now… it died with you.’_

_He stared, long and hard at the piece of bone now balanced delicately in his outstretched palm, not knowing even if that polished bone belonged to the boy he cried for. He felt a burning at the back of his eyes that threatened to render him blind, useless, pathetic, blurring his vision with more sorrow than spite, but it was still there. The anger, the frustration, the hurt._

_‘I can’t touch you anymore. I can’t hold you, and you won’t kiss me.”  
“What’s the fucking point?”_

_A flash of deep brown eyes, freckles, a smile that made him forget, an “I love you” that could never be returned._

_It may have been the moonlight, that dull, deep, hum that only the sleepless know. That still, almost… dead… weight the air had taken on. But it was the way his name sounded on those lips, everything seemed to fall away. The entire world stopped breathing for that moment. And it wasn’t just them anymore… That boy with the dark eyes and wavy hair had stolen his heart, and Jean had no intention of ever stealing it back. Even now. Even when the torchlight dimmed and he was swallowed in that eerie blue darkness, a lone soldier in an army of shadows. As far as Jean was concerned, Marco had held every ounce of him and still would. Until the day that he died… and then, finally, then, it would actually be perfect._

 

**Author's Note:**

> wow, oops, haha, this was supposed to be smut...  
> this is not how i intended it to go down...  
> the fic kind of wrote itself like that...
> 
> You can talk to me on [tumblr](http://jellyfishsempai.tumblr.com) if you so desire.


End file.
